Today I had an appointment with mny care coordinator Norman. I arrived at the hospital, and took my place in the waiting room. My psychiatrist walked past and said a very friendly hello, but I just felt too glum to do anything other than smile and wave. I like my psychiatrists, he's a nice warm chap. Norman was in a meeting, but when he eventually arrived for our appointment, we went into a little room off the side corridor. Irnocially, it was my psychiatrist's room. I got to sit in his chair, which turned out to be very uncomfortable, lol. Poor old Francis!!!
Norman asked me how I was. I couldn't even speak. I was just so full of angst and general worry. I managed to blurt out that I found a nasty lump, but I couldn't talk about it any more than that. Norman insisted that I need to see my shrink earlier than january, which was my next appointment, and he went off to make the appoitment. I waited for ten minutes, but began to feel like I couldn't breathe, as if I were suffocating. I have heard people say they felt like the walls were closing in on them, but today I experienced it for the first time for myself.
I walked into town in a bit of a daze. It was as if I had tunnel vision. I went to pay for my glasses, and was pleased to get some points on my boots card, lol. Small things please small minds etc.
My breathing was a bit ragged all day. A true reflkection of my state of mind. I have my next appointment with my consultant at the ent hospital on monday, so I should be able to get that checked out.
And besides that, I am just worried. I've spent most of my adult life wondering what it feels like to be an adult. This week, I found out. I've never felt so shocked in my life. I feel as dazed as if someone had dropped bricks on my head. Maybe it would be better if they did.
It seems that having a serious illness such as TS does not exclude you from developing another serious illness (or potentially serious illness). So just be alert. Complacency is not a good thing.
I've been spending the last few days wondering how long that evil little lump has been there. Hopefully, not so long.
Best wishes folks, have a lovely day. Good breathing and good health. And good night!
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