Friday, 14 January 2011

Tracheal stenosis rules, ok?!

Oh dear, if I truly believed that then I would really have lost the plot.  This morning, following my really rather pathetic attempt at an overdose, I woke up.  I actually woke up feeling bright and breezy, with no ill effects from the night before.  How strange is that?  I expected to at least begin the morning with a technicolour yodel, lol.  I guess that ultimately, I needed to feel like I was doing myself damage to make the urge to do myself damage diminish enough for me to live with it.  Not sure if that makes sense.  But I am sorry about the overdramatic rambling.

This morning, I read some of the most wonderfully encouraging messages on a tracheal stenosis forum I also post on.  I figured that there's wisdom in numbers, so instead of torturing myself with mental images of my impending death at the hands of my screwed airway, I decided to post my dilemma and see what the world has to offer.  And the general opinion was that I should push to be treated by a famous head and neck surgeon in Boston, USA; Dr Mathiesen.  I have heard of this guy; my American friend with TS is presently under his care (and due for her reconstructive surgery in early February this year).  One post, from a very kind sounding lady in Edinburgh, told me how to go about having this treatment paid for by the NHS. 

So finally, I yet again have a light at the end of the tunnel; a way out of the misery.  I don't need a cure in order to get through the day to day rubbish, so much as I need the hope of a cure.  When there is no hope, there is no life, y'know?

But I am sorry for inflicting my misery on you; I thought about deleting those posts but, tbh, it would feel dishonest.  When I decided to start writing a blog, I decided that it should be honest at the very least, however painful that might be for me.  So honestly, I will leave the last two posts up there, but hope that you understand that it was a moment in time which, for the moment at least, has passed.  I suppose it goes with the manic depression, but my refusal to take the medication for it does lead me to these moments every now and then.  It's not something I find easy to admit; who likes to confess that they're nuts?!  But I suppose it's time for me to realise that I'm probably not all that stable!!

See ya later, have a great day.  Live it as if it were the last :0)

No comments:

Post a Comment