So, it's now wednesday and I am still back in hospital. Which isn't too bad in itself, but they've run out of cheesecake!! And the offer of a jam sandwich instead did not nearly cut the cloth, my friend, hahahaha....
I am a little fed up, to say the least. I tried raising the issue of my feelings on them breaking my confidentiality with my husband, and talking to him first about the results of MY tests. As far as I am concerned, if it's about me, then I want to hear it first. I have a right to hear it first. I do not wish to hear it filtered through my husbands non comprehending brain first!!! That's like a game of Whispers set to advanced level, trying to decode a message from him.
Well, other than that little drama, I'm going through the same old routine, day in, day out. Drugs at 6, 12, 6 and , ahem, 12pm. Meals whenever they remember I'm here. And that's it. Oh, and I have had this banging headache for absolute days, which I think is related to the huge swelling on my neck pushing on nerves that run through my throat.
I had a couple of pieces of good news yesterday. Apparently, I have been awarded a tax rebate, lol, of nthe grand sum of 41 pounds, and I get an 11p repayment bonus, whatever that may be. I'm not complaining; as far as I see it, 41 quid is 41 quid, and I shall have fun spending it, 11p and all. And then about an hour after reading about that, I got a phone call to say my new glasses were ready. Hooray!!! I haven't had new glasses for some years now, so I really hope these ones are okay. I can't even remember what they looked like, so again, I hope I didn't make my usualy poor choice,
I've been keeping up to date on my usual health blogs, which offer me some interesting ways of dealing with illness. To be honest, we're all in the same boat, as far as I'm concerned, but there is sometimes almost a competitiveness about what people say, a kind of 'mine's bigger than yours!' attitude. I guess that people need to feel they are the sickest person in England sometimes, it's something the American's call terminal uniqueness. It works like this 'what makes my illness worse than everybody elses?'...the answer is, of course, because 'It's mine!!'. If it helps folks to cope, then who are we to criticise? I will admit that when I was sat in the urgent referrals clinic the other day, and they were skipping people who needed to have their earwax syringed ahead of me, the snotty mess who was haemorraging blood and struggling to breathe, I did wonder a lot about people and their priorities.
I think we've all had moments like that! I was in the pharmacy the other day, trying to get them to look harder to find my prescription for oxycodone which they claimed to have 'lost'. They had my medication, all labelled up and ready to be dispensed. They just couldn't dispense it, as they'd lost the prescription. Anyway, I waited almost patiently, but certainly quite determinedly for over an hour. I was in terrible pain and leaving without my pain relief was not an option. And I watched many people come and go, one of whom was a twenty something woman who looked rather clammy and unwell. The assistant told her there would be a long wait, but offered her a seat in their office to wait it out. Just as they found my prescription, and were finally dispensing it, the young lady joined the queue in her rightful place, which was next; behind me. A woman who must have been in her fifties then started yelling 'Oi, oi, 'you'.... I'm next, not her!!'. And I turned around very slowly and said 'who are you referring to? 'Her me', or 'her, her?'...because it better not be me!!'. And she started yelling 'well who do you think you are?' And I replied 'I am the woman who has been waiting here for an hour and a half. And 'her her', behind me, has been here almost as long. She is next in the queue, not you'. And instead of saying 'oh, sorry, I didn't realise', she then started ranting about how her daughter in law had just got back from holiday that morning and was complaining of a headache. I said 'hangovers aren't usually classed as medical emergencies. If it's that urgent, you need an ambulance, but if it isn't that serious, wait your turn'. And she looked me up and down as if to try and decide whether she could take me on or not, and I just walked directly at her, forcing her to firstly get out of my way, and secondly, to distract her long enough so that the assistant could serve the poor patient young woman who was rightfully next anyway.
People make the mistake of thinking I am mentally weak because of my illnesses. They get a nasty shock when they realise I am not. Be the best person you can be despite your illnesses. Don't let anyone push you around. People take advantage of weakness, but as far as I am concerned, my illness makes me stronger, not weaker. And that's why they never will win.
Have a lovely day folks, speak soon X
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