Thursday, 17 November 2011

Another day, another hospital appointment

Today I had an appointment with mny care coordinator Norman.  I arrived at the hospital, and took my place in the waiting room.  My psychiatrist walked past and said a very friendly hello, but I just felt too glum to do anything other than smile and wave.  I like my psychiatrists, he's a nice warm chap. Norman was in a meeting, but when he eventually arrived for our appointment, we went into a little room off the side corridor.  Irnocially, it was my psychiatrist's room. I got to sit in his chair, which turned out to be very uncomfortable, lol.  Poor old Francis!!! 

Norman asked me how I was.  I couldn't even speak.  I was just so full of angst and general worry.  I managed to blurt out that I found a nasty lump, but I couldn't talk about it any more than that.  Norman insisted that I need to see my shrink earlier than january, which was my next appointment, and he went off to make the appoitment.  I waited for ten minutes, but began to feel like I couldn't breathe, as if I were suffocating.  I have heard people say they felt like the walls were closing in on them, but today I experienced it for the first time for myself.

I walked into town in a bit of a daze. It was as if I had tunnel vision.  I went to pay for my glasses, and was pleased to get some points on my boots card, lol.  Small things please small minds etc.

My breathing was a bit ragged all day.  A true reflkection of my state of mind.  I have my next appointment with my consultant at the ent hospital on monday, so I should be able to get that checked out.

And besides that, I am just worried.  I've spent most of my adult life wondering what it feels like to be an adult.  This week, I found out.  I've never felt so shocked in my life.  I feel as dazed as if someone had dropped bricks on my head.  Maybe it would be better if they did.

It seems that having a serious illness such as TS does not exclude you from developing another serious illness (or potentially serious illness).  So just be alert.  Complacency is not a good thing.

I've been spending the last few days wondering how long that evil little lump has been there.  Hopefully, not so long. 

Best wishes folks, have a lovely day.  Good breathing and good health.  And good night!

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