Tuesday, 29 November 2011

The end draws ever closer.

Hey there.

So, the last week has been a sobering one.  I decided to ask my consultant out straight about what exactly the hold up is with the magical transplant surgery that could possibly represent a cure for me.  And it turns out that someone is holding it up.  I don't know if they're holding it up because it's me that needs the surgery and not some cute little 5 year old who doesn't have a history of going crazy, or whether it's an administrative thing, and the hold up is because it hasn't cleared all the myriad of committees that are assembled to determine whether ot not these surgeries should be done.  I don't suppose it matters, as the outcome is the same.  But my surgeon did, very nicely, reinforce the fact that he is fighring on my behalf, and as soon as he can do it, he will.  I hope that's one day soon, because personally, my quality of life is not that great right now, and has only been declining since I first fell ill.  Sometimes, life is a bitch.  But if you keep kickiug back, eventually the bitch buggers off!

Other news... a very nice person gave me two PS2 Consoles and about 50 games for them.  I'm cleaning them up so that I can give them to the children's ward.  Maybe it'll make them smile for a while.  God knows, it's hard enough being ill when you're older, those kids must suffer some.  It's horrible to think about it, but I say a little prayer for sick kids every day, and throw a request into the air that they all be cured and looked after.  Sounds cheesy, but that's my little secret.

Friday I am not looking forward to.  I have an appointment at the Breast Cancer service.  My appointment time is early morning, but it says I could be there up to five hours.  Friday is the day I find out if this lump is just a lump, or something more sinister.  I have a feeling about it, which is not good.  Everyone I know who has been through something similar says that they knew.  So we shall see.  This week has been hard to get through, and it's only tuesday!  I am really, reaslly stressed, but luckily I am prescribed Oxycodone and Oxycontin for my back problem, and it's masking my fear.   It's not doing a lot for the pain though!

I saw my psychiatrist today, and he suggested I try a new sleeping pill.  The trouble is, it's so new that noone can get hold of it!  This is a problem that I have often, so am not worrying about it; I shall proceed with the temazapam until then.

My nebuliser is about to finish, so I shall sign off for now.  Keep looking after yourself, and fight like anything to get the healthcare you need.  ANything I can do, just let me know....


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