Sunday, 10 July 2011

which came first?

okay, i've had a think about this.  There are some people who believe that when you visit a psychiatrist, you must do as they say, for they are the expert and we are mere mortals.  but i do fundamentally disagree.  Let me give you an example; this terrible pain in my leg.  nobody denies it's existence.  I visit my GP regularly, mainly to review medication and discuss and other options.  i get 110 percent effort from my GP as he strives to ease my physical pain.  i've been seeing a psychiatrist for years.  Sometimes i am distressed, sometimes i am on top of the world.  The key point really is that i am mentally unstable, no jokes intended, and i need their help to stay on the straight and narrow.  To phrase it differently, i see the psychiatrist for my psychic pain.  but they have a different approach, which is 'if you don't do as i tell you and take the toxic medication like a good girl, then i shall declare that you bring all your troubles upon yourself and are beyond redemption'.  and as far as i'm concerned, god is the only entity who can judge whether i can or cannot be saved.  I don't need a psychiatrist to pass judgement, i need a psychiatrist to put all of their efforts into alleviating my psychic pain.

i hope that made sense, it's been on my mind all night.

how are you doing otherwise?  i'm watching the tudors box set, having been up since 5am after only 4 hours sleep, i now feel a bit wild and terrible.  this does not bode well for a good night's sleep, i fear.

tomorrow is my judgement day.  I have to see my delightful GP and organise some letters, mainly i need a report for the lovely people in Switzerland, but in can do just service for the esa report too.  and i shall go back to romford CMHT, perhaps with a clearer idea of what i want to achieve.  And hope for the best.  I need my lithium levels and the blood results, and i need a report from them for esa too.  This may prove difficult, as storming normal is a slippery bugger, mwahahah.

goodnight to all, and goo luck to friends having surgery tomorrow.  Trust in your surgeon and believe that he will cure you and i tell you this, he will fight tooth and nail to make you well again, whatever that might mean to you.  Just talk to him, withhold nothing.  He cannot do a thing for you if you don't tell him honestly how your body is doing.  Sorry, rambling.  goodnight to all, and sweet dreams. 

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